Reflecting on the Facets of My Personality

Before and throughout MSOD, I have taken various personality assessments in an attempt to better understand my patterns, working styles and strengths. I have also gained a lot of anecdotal feedback from others, through personal-branding exercises and my time at Netflix. These have not only helped me understand how I show up in the world, but have impacted my ability to understand where I’ll work best and in what kind of role. Here’s a little bit of what I’ve learned:

My MBTI results mention that I like well-defined tasks and processes, so working an a larger organization that wants structure to support its people and business is a good fit. Consuls (16 Personalities) also like bringing organization to people, so its a good fit for me to be in HR Ops or an HRBP role that will allow high-touch work directly with employees. It also mentions that purely analytical careers are not a good fit, which may be why I liked working in HR tech when it involved process improvement and operational excellence, more than reporting and analytics. I struggled at Netflix around my desire to create order in an environment that has (until recently) rejected anything that could be even interpreted as “rigid” or “process,” but now I understand that I can create order through innovation…they can go hand in hand, and not be one or the other. Thriving on order and knowing people understand their responsibilities is also a key Consul trait, which explains why I like performance management so much. It was surprising that religious work was mentioned in these results, since there have been multiple times that I have felt called to a theological education and works. Its important to note that too much freedom can also be too much to handle for a personality like mine, so I need to keep the culture of my future workplaces in mind (i.e. ambiguity for the sake of ambiguity is not a good fit). Additionally, I need to be aware of my desire for social status and being liked, so that I don’t make decisions just to get on people's good side. Looking at my Strengthsfinder results from Specialized and Netflix, it is interesting to understand how and just how much working at Netflix changed my life. I am much more likely to dissent now and provide direct feedback, even if harmony may be compromised. Part of me wonders if the rise of Discipline on my top 5 is due to the lack of structure at Netflix and my desire to infuse some organization into the HR function there. Overall it seems like the “work” became more of a priority over the “relationship” based strengths that were prevalent just a few years ago. It’s interesting to reflect on how I can keep a balance of these two aspects of my personality in an environment that is results-oriented and a role that’s people-oriented.

Reflecting on Putting Me First to Put the Business First

Thinking back on my goal of putting business priorities before my own goals and interests, I think the subtext is really about me being able to do a job when I don’t like it or just plain don’t feel like doing it. I’ve come to realize that getting excited about my work is really important for staying motivated. This is definitely a general trait for humans, but I’m realizing how prominently it shows up in my life. There have been times where I don’t like my job duties, and I have straight up just not done them…how I have gotten away with this, I don’t know, but I know I’m not comfortable acting this way in the future. I recognize there will always be times in life where I’ll have to do a job I don’t like, so this goal was intended to help me find ways to overcome those times. For this goal, I primarily focused on crafting strategies, project plans and means of accountability to help me make headway on projects I wasn’t particularly jazzed about. Looking back, it was always easy for me to ideate and get started with a project outline, but still hard to follow through on self-appointed action items and deadlines. Reflecting on this, I think it is important to me to work on projects with hard deadlines (rather than flexible, self-appointed deadlined) and in an environment where there is accountability. What I also ended up learning is that to some degree I can’t force myself to do the work, so I need to be even more mindful about the roles I take and get clarity ahead of time on the types of projects I’ll be working on.

Reflecting on My Growth Throughout MSOD

As we near the end of this program it’s difficult for me to not look back and wish I’d have done more. Accomplished more. Grown more. Learned more. But then my wise self steps and and reminds me of how much I’ve grown over the last 2 years. Coming into this program, I was unable to address the events of my childhood, take responsibility for my own shortcomings or mistakes, and operate with a deeper level of empathy. Now I have a healthy level of self-talk and am constantly reflecting on how I can grow within specific situations. I have to remind myself that I am young and I have so many years ahead to hone my observation skills, business acumen and leadership capabilities. Thinking back on my depleting patterns - action-oriented, high standards, competitive, takes strong stands and defensive - I haven’t curbed them as much as I’d like, but I am much more aware of when I am indulging (oh hey, Bianca!). I think deeper exploration of these patterns and their origins will help keep them at bay a little more. I’d like to continue to be more aware of these patterns and my Inner Committee (especially after the program), so I’d like to find ways to think back to these concepts on a daily basis. Perhaps it would be helpful to paste my Inner Committee roster in my journal and practice the pause in a controlled environment by setting more time for daily meditation aside. Looking at my SLC just now, something almost identical to that was noted, so I clearly have room to grow and know this goal is important to me since it has persisted. One thing that is new for me is my desire to be more deeply connected to my physical SPINE. As a yoga teacher have a good body awareness, but in my daily life I find that I am not heeding the messages my body is sending. I am also not taking care of my physical body well right now, which has had a significant impact on my mental health. Moving forward, I’d like to prioritize my physical health immediately in order to make more space and focus for expanding on bigger things, like those outlined above.

Reflecting on My Career Path

When I started this program, I was sure I wanted to get back to my role as an HR Business Partner. I had recently joined Netflix, despite the fact that there was no clear path back to that role within their organization. As I pressed on, many of my colleagues asked me, “Don’t you just want to pursue HR Ops or HRIS, you’re so good at that!” I am highly organized and process-oriented, which lent to success in these areas not just at Netflix, but across my whole career. I was very averse to this idea, and almost felt offended when I’d hear these comments every so often, because I inferred that being good at Ops meant I was not good at strategy, coaching and business - all parts of being a successful HRBP. I loved working on the HRIS side of HR especially, but didn’t want to get pigeonholed into a long-term career in that area by even specializing for a short time. However, my experience in ELG and in MSOD overall made me question my desire to get back to an HRBP role and whether or not I was over-indexing on it. Looking back on Pajaro 1 and the patterns that my narrative work helped me identify, I can clearly see why I’d want this job and also how I could be successful at it due to those patterns. Because of my own issues around feeling important in my family system, a role as an HRBP satisfies my deep seeded need to know all of the information…first….and often the information others aren’t allowed to know. My high value on being trusted and appreciated is also satisfied by this role, as successful HRBPs develop close-knit relationships with their leaders and are the go-to adviser and thought partner for them. On the other hand, I have a high affinity for empathy and relationship building, which makes it easy for me to build connections and build trust in the workplace. Looking at these facts, I wanted to stretch myself and see if I was looking for an HRBP role to satisfy my unmet needs within my family or because I was actually good at it an enjoy it. Ultimately I ended up trying out a more Ops oriented job at Evernote and hated every second of it. It was highly program and project management based, which was just not a great fit for how I work. I found that I missed talking to people on a daily basis and solving people-related problems. I missed task-oriented duties that weren’t long term initiatives, and could give me a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day. I’m glad I gave these roles a try to so that I could not only validate my desire to get back to an HRBP role, but also to learn more about myself and what I do not like to do.